MIAMI INK

I have been religiously slobbering over watching MIAMI INK ever since it came to television.

Each man has his own artistic strong points and I have studied on the matter to the extent that, if I were to ever get a tattoo, it would be done by Chris Garver.........there are a LOT of things I'd like to have done by Chris Garver, but I digress:

I"m sure that these guys get all the..........uh......... that any man can handle and I certainly hope that there is no shortage of penicillin in Florida. But I digress again.

There have been stages in my life where I've desired the courage to get a tattoo and I am extremely grateful that, due to my cowardice of all things sharp and possibly contaminated, not to mention my fear of pain, I've never gotten one.

My body would be a walking testament to my assorted stupidities throughout my life.

I first wanted a rose on my ankle. Oh the joy of THAT little piece of time warp, showing beneath my slacks at church.

That was followed by the urge to get a fairy on my hip.......not just any fairy.....nothing cartoonish. More of a lacey winged variety of fantasia/type of fairy. Like the ones drawn by Amy Brown. BEAUTIFUL!!!

Then I graduated to dragons. And again, not your every day, run of the mill, dragon. Nah. THIS one I actually drew up in great detail. I used to be a graphic design artist, so I'm tellin' ya that this was one helluva dragon.......but he had a cigarette in his mouth.

Oh thank you sweet Jesus for unanswered prayers! (those are the only kind I'm familiar with, but in this case, it was a GOOD thing)

I can just see me, at my advanced age. All bumpy, lumpy and saggy, sporting what appears to be a dead flower on my ankle; a fairy that has bit the dust, and don't forget that dragon, who would now have all the ferosity of a limp lizard.

Hey, these things have a tendency to follow gravity along with your body parts.

Joe, having spent some time at Ground Zero, searching for victims in the rubble, had me design a beautiful tribute to Nine Eleven. I tried to force him to schedule an appointment with Chris Garver, but we ended up at a tattoo parlor in Kentucky with a reputation for true artistry.

We showed up. We waited. I got to see a side of Kentucky that only drug dealers get to enjoy.

Joy and Ian joined us for the tribute, but they only stayed a few minutes before they hurridly left. That was when my cell phone rang and Joy was on the other end saying "GET JOE OUT OF THERE!!! THERE ARE CLEAN TATTOO BUSINESSES!!!! THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM!!!!"

This all has been leading somewhere...................

WAYNE JOHN'S TOES:

I went to WAYNE JOHN'S to check up on his tatooed toesies.

Which then brought out a little ditty that I actually remember!! I might forget where I park the car, but little ditties are stuck like glue in my cerebellum.


I've got a daisy on my toe. It is not real. It does not grow.

It's just a tattoo of a flower. So I'll look neat, taking a shower.

It's on the second toe.....of my left foot.

A stem and flower....but there's no root. (gotta rhyme it with foot, people)

It's just a daisy on my toe. My right foot loves...my left foot so!