With the call on speaker; Major Fun by my side, his spiral notebook flipped open to "telephone company marketers" he sat back to watch the exchange.
telemarketer: "Hello! And how are you today! I'm calling with an amazing offer from SPRINTZ! How would YOU like saving $200 a year on your cell phone bill!"
me: *silence* (Hey, Major Fun's note said "silence")
telemarketer: "Hello? How would you like to save $200 on your cell phone bill........STARTING TODAY!! I've been authorized to offer you this........."
*the sound of plastic wrap being scrunched up by Major Fun*
me: " I can't hear you. Would you mind speaking up?"
telemarketer: "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAVE $200 ON YOUR.."
me: "Hello??"
telemarketer: "I AM CALLING ON BEHALF OF SPRINTZ PHONE SERVICE AND....."
me: "Well, I certainly AM interested and I hope YOUR phone service is better than THIS one!! Can you HEAR all this static?"
telemarketer hearing a sale being made: "Yes mam I CAN! And with SPRINTZ...."
me: "Hello? Young man! Are you there?"
EXUBERANT telemarketer: "YES MAM!!!! AND I CAN HEAR THE STATIC!!!"
me: "Wellllllllllllll, I certainly hope your service can help and, yes, I would love to sign up if you'd just speak a little louder and slower. I'm only hearing every other word."
telemarketer closing in for the kill: "FOR ... THIRTY ... DOLLARS ... A ... MONTH ... WE ... CAN.........."
me: "For thirty dollars a year? You've got to be kidding!!! "
telemarketer, a little out of breath: "NO MAM. THIRTY DOLLARS A MONTH!!!"
me: "Thirty dollars a year is *crackle* you've *crackle* to be *crackle* me! How *crackle* I *crackle* sign *crackle*!"
*dial tone*
postscript: Although Major Fun lived for these moments, I found it too exhausting and put us on the DO NOT CALL list for telemarketers. Major Fun still hasn't recovered from the disappointment.
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9 comments:
I once got a call from a portrait studio and shut it down right away as I usually do. A couple of minutes later, they called back! I was thinking, what nerve! and was winding up to give them a piece of my mind when a familiar voice said, "Aunt Kathi! It's ME!"
My niece was working as a telemarketer for the studio. Oh well. She ended up selling me a sitting and portrait package for our first dog, Zeke.
I eagerly await the 'Do Not Call' list being available here in Canada, its supposed to begin next month. Unfortunately, being Canadian I cannot help being 'nice' to telemarketers. I only swear after I hang up.
Back in the 90s, I had some dude calling from some boiler room somewhere to bend my ear over some scam. He wouldn't take the nice no for an answer, so I hung up.
Minutes later the phone rang and another dude with a deeper more intimidating voice began, "You hung up on one of my people. You do not hang up on my people. I know where you live and how about I send some big ass N****** to your house to set you straight?"
All I could do was laugh uproariously. I do not know who he thought he was talking to, but threats over the phone do not work on me. I just said, "Sure stop by. My address is 407 Sam Page Road. I'll reload the shotgun and we'll talk."
Ugh I dislike telmarketers. We are on the do not list at home but at work I have to deal with them and always make up some crazy story or either say no and hangup. Ugh
I just simpley say no thnaks and hang up----the calls that bug me are the ones that are trying to send a fax--and have inadvertly misdialed my number and they keep trying over and over and over.
Oh that's good. I just never pick up the phone anymore if I don't know the person... I really despise tele-marketing...hasn't anyone figured out that it doesn't work!!!
I can't do the telemarketer thing but my husband loves it. He answers with all sorts of accents. He tells them that the person they are asking for just died or he tries to sell them stuff. They finally give up and hang up but NOT soon enough! I just don't answer unidentified calls.
I've used the static trick myself. Or another good one is to talk with a thick foreign accent and say "Oh so sorry I not interesting."
Love it. Love it, love it, love it.
Great bloggin', lady!
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