AS LONG AS THERE'S REPLACEMENTS WE'LL NEVER BE ALONE

It amazes me that there's been no sightings of Michael Jackson. Elvis is still around, so where's MJ? Isn't anyone making toast anymore? Aren't there some potato chips with his likeness on one? Or a waterstain on some yokel's shed that looks like a glove? Even the National Inquirer isn't showing any alien terrestrial babys with Michael's famous forehead curl.

So in my quest to insure that we are never left alone again, I've done some investigative work to unearth duplicates of those in the news. We'll never be without:

Dana and Joe Wyzard