FLORIDA......THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE

HEADS UP:

I've had two "blue screens of death" on this computer today. If you never hear from me again, it'll be because BEST BUYS is the only store in Floruba that does warranty work, (and we all know how good THEY are at repairing computers).

I already have Wednesday's post ready, and if there's no FRIDAY'S READER'S SPECIAL, you'll live......

So.....50 miles away is the only Best Buys in this area and we will be there tomorrow ~ where I will drop off my computer and run for the door...........*sniff*........you've been good to me lil' Toshiba. I'll miss you........please......look away.....

And now, for my post.

I finally figured out the space parallel continuum situation. Somewhere in the universe is the real Florida, and somehow it slipped through one of those black holes and was replaced with it's opposite: FLORUBA.

The following is just ONE instance of ONE of our obnoxious and totally idiotic Floruba days.

This day was one of immense medical screw-ups, none of which was done by a true medical doctor.

WALGREENS must have gotten their thumbs out of their asses long enough to get their dewy digit stuck on the REORDER button. Instead of reordering my LANTIS for my diabetes, they kept, and kept, reordering HUMALOG for my diabetes.

Walgreen's repeated attempts to refill my refilled refill, made my insurance company throw a rock at their computer screen and say 'NO MORE INSULIN FOR DANA', like I'm buying it and selling it behind WinnDixie's dumpsters.

So Humana, then Walgreens, called Joe's cell phone and informed him that in order to get my insulin, I have to get a written prescription from a doctor.

I don't HAVE a doctor. No. In this parallel universe, I have MARK.

Both of these medicines are administered by an INSULIN PEN. Notice I didn't say PIN. I said PEN.

This little piece of medical ingenuity allows me to carry what appears to be an ink pen on steroids and, instead of holding up a bottle of liquid and inserting a syringe (NOT something you want to do at STUMPIES, the closest thing we have to a den of iniquity and fast food restaurant) I pull out my pen of immense proportions and discretely give myself a shot while waiting for our food to arrive.



The fact that I have to unzip my pants and pull my belly out for the shot is beside the point.

So, in self-righteous indignation, I transferred my various prescriptions to a local mom and pop type of pharmacy. Sigh of relief.........then Joe's cell phone starts ringing and we eventually learn the name of pop, mom and the rest of the pharmaceutical clan............

First up, Pharmacist Pop: "Uhhhhh. I'm not familiar with insulin PENS.......you'll have to get a written prescription from your doctor"

I don't HAVE a doctor. I've got MARK.

Second up, Pharmacist Mom: "Uhhhhh.....did you know that when you transfer a class C drug.......BY FLORIDA LAW, the class C drug cannot be refilled except by a written prescription from a doctor"

I don't HAVE a doctor. I've got MARK.

Third up, Pharmacist Son: "Uhhhh.......we're not familiar with the size 1/2 inch needles you use, so you're going to have to get a prescription from a DOCTOR for the 4/8 inch needles..."

I don't HAVE a doctor. I've got MARK.....and....uh....wait........isn't a 4/8 inch needle actually a ONE HALF INCH needle???

Parallel universe my ass, this is the TWILIGHT ZONE!