Having barely survived, suffered, killed, had hallucinations, lived in Floruba for a year now four months, my intentions of going on a killing spree and being featured on America's Most Wanted has escalated.....
Something wicked this way comes and a new hellish event has come upon me.......
Either God is sleeping, or wide awake and taking careful aim.....
Does this give anyone a hint?
Pardon me......wrong photo
Uh..........maybe........
Oh yes...this is it.........any ideas?
Yes. I've decided that I love Indiana more than Joe and I'm leaving him.
For someone who has only flown three times in her life, leaving finger sized dents in the armrests and projectile vomiting down the narrow hallway, I am leaving. Leaving on a jet plane. Don't know if I'll come back again.......Oh babe, I hate to go...........
And I'll be doing it ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!! mommie?????
What brought this latest piece of hell my way you ask? We innocently went to the Floruba BMV to renew my driver's license. I had my birth certificate, tax papers, utility bill and my social security card.
Enough, you think? Well, I had no proof that the woman standing there (me) was really the woman who was named on my birth certificate. They needed a paper trail to actually PROVE that I was me. The ORIGINAL me.
Like a slave, every time I married and took my husband's name, I was removed another step from the little baby girl that was born with my maiden name.
I've been purchased so many times that my owners have lost the receipts and I had no way to prove that I was.....well....the me I said I was, even though I had my social security card, birth certificate, TAX papers (that Uncle Sam accepts), a utility bill and a driver's license.
It's not enough that I have to prove who I AM, I have to prove who I WAS.
So I have to FLY HOME to get my license renewed! YES! Which will make this THE singularly most fuckingly expensive driver's license in the Universe!
So if you never hear from me again, consider this:
I'm still trying to figure out when, and if, I'm going to return.
(Let's just say that Joe is starting to get very nervous.)
And there won't be a Friday's Reader's Special this week.
Something wicked this way comes and a new hellish event has come upon me.......
Either God is sleeping, or wide awake and taking careful aim.....
Does this give anyone a hint?
Pardon me......wrong photo
Uh..........maybe........Oh yes...this is it.........any ideas?
Yes. I've decided that I love Indiana more than Joe and I'm leaving him.
For someone who has only flown three times in her life, leaving finger sized dents in the armrests and projectile vomiting down the narrow hallway, I am leaving. Leaving on a jet plane. Don't know if I'll come back again.......Oh babe, I hate to go...........
And I'll be doing it ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!! mommie?????
What brought this latest piece of hell my way you ask? We innocently went to the Floruba BMV to renew my driver's license. I had my birth certificate, tax papers, utility bill and my social security card.
Enough, you think? Well, I had no proof that the woman standing there (me) was really the woman who was named on my birth certificate. They needed a paper trail to actually PROVE that I was me. The ORIGINAL me.
Like a slave, every time I married and took my husband's name, I was removed another step from the little baby girl that was born with my maiden name.
I've been purchased so many times that my owners have lost the receipts and I had no way to prove that I was.....well....the me I said I was, even though I had my social security card, birth certificate, TAX papers (that Uncle Sam accepts), a utility bill and a driver's license.
It's not enough that I have to prove who I AM, I have to prove who I WAS.
So I have to FLY HOME to get my license renewed! YES! Which will make this THE singularly most fuckingly expensive driver's license in the Universe!
So if you never hear from me again, consider this:
I'm still trying to figure out when, and if, I'm going to return.
(Let's just say that Joe is starting to get very nervous.)
And there won't be a Friday's Reader's Special this week.
Posts
26 comments:
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Oh, Dana! That is so STUPID! Florida is something else - I'm sorry. :(
Oh, sure. I think you're experiencing separation anxiety from your cuttlebug and the license is just an excuse.
Let's be honest with everyone here...the real reason your going back to America is the CASINO...Come on I know I'm right...Like we really believe some crazy ass story about documents and blah blah blah...Casino...that's my story and I am sticking to it !
Driving is over-rated! Think of the other forms of getting around in Florida: walking, biking, a scooter, chauffeur, hitch-hiking...
On second thought, maybe not.
Good Luck!
(I have no time to comment as I'm hopping a plane to Florida to "take care" of Joe....)
Well you know, if we let you just renew your license, then the terrorists win ...
Two thoughts.
First of all, I'm on the side of of the DMV. Why? The number of clones are rising and it is getting out of hand.
Second of all, IF you crash, which you won't, but IF you do. Maybe you'll land on a mysterious island with the likes of Sawyer, Jack, and Sayid. Definitely a cup half-full situation.
And don't forget to kick Kate's butt. heh heh heh (And if you don't watch LOST the second comment will mean absolutely nothing to you! Ha!)
Happppie Traaiillllzz to youuuuuu..
Untillll we... well you know how it goes.. lol Have fun on your trip..
Flights are easier when drunk or drugged.
Who says you need a license to drive? My grandpa drove with an expired license for years. (He couldn't pass the written test)
That is so funny. Are you sure you aren't in some part of the former Soviet Union? The obsession with documents gives it away. Doesn't your drivers licence have your picture on it? If a birth certificate is worthless, what do they need for a paper trail? How about a passport?
Dana the woman without a country. Didn't you tell them you weren't born you were hatched?
What???? I've never heard of such a thing. Usually with a drivers license and birth certificate you can get a new one. Must be some Florida law. When I moved to Utah, I only had to show a current license.
Well, enjoy your short visit to Indiana. Maybe you can make a quick trip to your doctor and get your meds renewed too.
It is not only FLORIDA but OREGON as well, and I believe ALL the states! You can thank all the illegal aliens that have pentrated our nation! THE DMV's are nice and quite now, though, since they put this into effect. GRANTED the paper trail is a BIT MUCH! I think copies of your MARRIAGE certificates to each last name should suffice. GOOD LUCK DANA!
Don't you ever do that to me again! I swear I almost had a heart attack! I haven't known you long but long enough to know that you & Joe, just.fit, for lack of a better term. Whew! Anyway, good luck. If they were more thorough about the damn terrorists like they are with us (who have only been born here), maybe things wouldn't be so jacked up! Have a wonderful trip & if by some chance you end up near Detroit (you know how these flights are...J/K), let me know & I can probably find someone to get you a license for about $500, no questions asked.(the foreigners do it all the time here)
Are you sure you don't want to take Joe with you, just in case you get detoured for a long time?
Are you sure you even need a drivers license in Florida? I'm just saying!
Hey if you aren't going to be here on Friday leave an open thread and we'll make our own jokes. We promose not to wreck the furniture here.
Oh Dana I'm right there with you about flying. I too vote that you drag Joe home with you to the wonderful US of A again. Hmmm now that I think about it we've been trying to drag my brother in law Joe home from Floruba ever since he moved down there to get married 5 years ago. We could start a "Let's Joe Home" campaign..... And if you've never heard that knock knock joke just ask and I'll supply the rest.
I too will have to renew my license here if Floruba. After living here a week I know of what you've been talking about...this place is...welll... different.
I was told I would need a "paper trail"...but I don't want that many trees to die on my behalf. I've been married 4 times, with 4 names, 3 sets of divorce papers, one death certificate and have absolutely NONE of the above. It will cost me a small forturne to get all these papers. Welcome to Floruba!
Sue that explains why we see people with no liscense on those police shows from Florida. Nobody can get one!
Cheez it everybody Dana's back. She just left a comment on my blog. Quick put the curtains back up bring the couch back in and untie Joe.
haha, I love your blog!
I hate to add fuel to your fire but I don't think any state can make it more difficult to get a driver's license than Florida. We had to return 3 times before they were satisfied. That was 28 years ago. Now we renew online. :-)
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